I got me a redneck pickup truckAn ACTUAL lesson you can use from the SD War College

When Todd Epp had lunch with me the other day, he saw my truck, and must have thought I was some sort of redneck. Yup! I'm a redneck with two ree-publican bumper stickers on my pickup truck, and I'm married to my cousin, livin' in Ft. Pierre in a trailer with 6 kids and ten huntin' dogs. You kin find me in my bib overalls, with my shotgun across my lap..

Actually, my wife is of no prior familial relation before our marriage. And while I have 6 kids, I only have a Welsh Corgi who isn't worth a darn for hunting. Also, I live on the civilized side of the river. So why the big hunk of wood across the front of my pickup?

I'm going to let you in on one of my closely held secrets. I'm going to illustrate for you how to construct the "SD War College pickup truck sign holder."

Does this sound totally stupid? Yeah, it probably is. But how else can you put a single 4x8 sign in the back of your pickup, make it mobile, and able to sustain highway speeds? I haven't seen one yet that matches my system for doing so. And I've always done it with junk lumber lying around the garage.

You might see someone tenting 2 4x8 signs in the back of their truck. And they're lucky if it can take the trip across town to be parked in a strategic location without blowing out. In some towns, mobile 4x8's are a sneaky little trick to get around sign ordinances in some municipalities. They may address the size of the sign you can post in your yard, but many towns haven't even dreampt of this one yet - and it doubles as a slick campaign float for parades.

Basically, you take small sections of 2x2's, and 2 2x4's (or landscape timbers as you see illustrated above.), some bolts with a circular loop end, some wire, and you end up creating something as tough as nails to withstand driving at highway speeds and the elements, with only one 4x8.

First, cut your 2x2's so they will fit into those holes on the top of your pickup bed, with 4-6 inches sticking up.


And it doesn't matter if it's a short-bed or long-bed truck. Just get those pegs sticking up. Once that's done, look inside your pickup bed. There's a hole on the inside that opens to the receptacle chamber where you put a 2x2. Put a screw at the very top of that hole and drive it into the wooden 2x2. Make sure there's no play after you're done. Jiggle that 2x2 up and down. If it moves, you didn't do it right. That 2x2 should be bottomed out, and the screw should be at the top of the hole on the inside of the pickup bed.

Done? Good.


Now we lay 2x4's (or 4x4's or landscape timbers, or whatever is on hand) across the pickup bed, and cut them to a length so they just go across the top of the bed and across the 2x2's we just screwed into place. Screw these 2x4's into the 2x2's using at least a 3 inch (or longer) deck screw. And don't be afraid to use more than one - this needs to be solid.

Now (or before, I don't care), you need to cut a groove just snug enough to hold your sheet of plywood - whether it's 1/2 plywood or 3/4 inch. Cut the appropriate groove in the middle of the 2x4's about 1/4 to 1/3 of the way deep.



Starting to see what we're doing?

Now, you need to drill a hole in the 2x2's. You ned to drill this for size for those bolts with the eyelets on the end. Put the eyelet bolt in, with the eyelet towards the inside, and crank it down tight. You may want to add washers on each side of the bolt, so it doesn't split the wood when you tighten the bolt.

Now, we're ready to place our sign. Get a buddy, and have him** hold up the sign in the center, where you cut those grooves for the sign to go.



What you will want to do now is to drill a couple holes at the top to string wire. Alternatively, you can put a couple metal plates up at top, and run four eyelet bolts at the top (two facing each way). It depends on how long it's going to be in use, and how bad the elements are that it might be exposed to.


Now, we're going to string some heavy gauge wire from the eyelet to the top of the board. You'll use four lengths of wire. Don't get lazy and use two, strung from bottom eyelet to bottom eyelet. The board will fall in the wind. You need four individual wires, each strung from bottom to top. The top can just be a hole in the board, or can be an eyelet. Again, use your judgement based on how lang it's going to be in service.

And get those things tight. You need them tight enough to be able to pluck a note off of each one. The high tension is the key. It will keep it solid. If you have any give on either side (in either end) the wind will work it until something loosens up enough to fall. Or it will have enough play where the wind can snap something - they ALL need to be tight.

And you're done. This sign should be fairly tough. You might check the tension from time to time to make sure it's tight - if it 's not, that's going to be your downfall.

I've run these things up to 65 MPH from time to time, and they will hold for sustained periods - as long as the tension is up. But use your own judgement.

It will also break down in a moment's notice. Have to drive to a wedding? Storm coming? Cut each wire and slide the sign in the back of the truck. The boards mounted across should keep it in. Then put it back up and re-wire it the next day.

For added stability, yo may want to add a couple of screws across the bottom to help hold it in place once it's up. But there are plenty of occasions when I haven't bothered, and it's been ok.

If you decide to use this, just remember to say something about the SDWC, and/or click on the paypal donor link. I always appreciate nice comments. And money.

And for those of you in Ft. Pierre, it was just a joke, ok?

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** Note**
Mrs. Professor read this and said it was a sexist article, because I perjoratively used the male "him" in this sentence. She correctly noted that, many times, SHE has been the buddy assisting me with my sign installations.

And that is correct. Let credit be granted where credit is due.

Now get back into the kitchen and make me some pie.